Juice Box

So I just saw a guy wearing a trench coat and a baseball cap (which is weird enough), drinking out of a juice box…A JUICE BOX! A grown man, walking down the street, drinking out of a juice box.
First of all, what would posses someone to wear a trench coat in May, rain or no rain (Weather Men are fucking stupid by the way. It was supposed to pour today. Instead, it’s muggy and sunny)?
Secondly, after deciding to don a trench coat, why would you put a baseball cap on? Why not a fedora? Why not go hatless? But a baseball cap, c’mon. Ever think that walking around on a sunny day wearing a trench coat and a baseball cap people might think that you look like you should be hanging out near an elementary school? And what’s with the juice box? What man, above the age of four, walks around with a juice box? Honestly, if I had walked by a playground and saw this guy just staring at the kids on the jungle gym, sipping his cran-apple juice, I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised…

The Peeing Story

Around the time that Dirk used to dance in front of his window, after reaching Pi, some other friends of mine; let’s say: Corey, Jeff & Dylan all lived together.
Jeff and I were good buddies, belonging to the same "Social Club," Dylan and I knew each other through a mutual “student group” and Corey was a friend by proxy. The three of them lived in a quad, with Corey and Jeff sharing a room. So one night, I think a Wednesday or Thursday, we’d all been hanging out drinking…excessively and it came time to hit the hay. I went home and crashed, Jeff and Dylan did the same; Corey was nowhere to be found.
Finally (as Jeff tells it) Corey stumbles in, knocking things over the whole way from the front door through the common roon to their room. Corey proceeds to disrobe, stumble around, nearly fall over, right himself and then walk over to Jeff’s closet...where he begins to pee. Jeff, obviously too stunned to speak at the sight of his roommate treating his closet like a bathroom, waits for Corey to finish to see what he’ll do next. When he’s done, nearly a minute later mind you, Corey walks over to his bed and is about to get in when Jeff, silent until now asks, “what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Corey responds, “what? What’s the problem?” Completely nonplused, Jeff says, “are you kidding? You just took a piss in my fucking closet, go clean it up!” Totally unfazed, Corey walks over to the closet and looks inside. After staring for a moment he says, “No, that’s not mine. That’s, that’s like, forty-five seconds worth of piss and, and I only pissed for maybe twenty-five seconds. (Shaking his head) That’s not mine.” He then proceeds to get into bed.
Roommates, gotta love 'em!