Stop Naming Your Daughters Kelly

Open Letter to the Parents of Unborn Children

Stop Naming Your Daughters Kelly

Please, for the God, Pete & the FSM stop naming your daughters Kelly; enough is enough already. Seriously, stop it.
I meet, on average, at least one new girl named “Kelly” every week. So the problem invariably arises when I’m sitting around with my friends and start a sentence, “so I was hanging out with Kelly the other day…” only to have my friends look at me like the RCA dog. I would wager (and this is of course only a rough estimate) that among my immediate circle of friends we probably know 147 girls named “Kelly.” Oh sure, at first it was cute; “how funny, another girl named Kelly.” We used to laugh about it, “what does that make now, thirty?” But now my head is spinning; now, I’m meeting girls, and find myself putting names in my cell phone with titles like, “Other Kelly” or “Blue Shirt Kelly” or “Tight Jeans Kelly,” it’s really getting a little ridiculous.
Honestly, after you dub one girl “Kel” and possibly another “Kels” how many more ways can you really doctor the name? You just can’t, it’s like the naming your kid Elmer.
Don’t get me wrong, “Kelly” is a great name, really; I like it a lot; but the whole Kelly over-proliferation is getting a bit out of hand. So please, Mr. & Mrs. John Q. So-and-so, when the guy with the latex gloves and white mask says, “congratulations, it’s a girl,” don’t name her Kelly.